Seven weeks after the sad passing ofDame Deborah James , her book How To Live When You Could be Dead is published tomorrow.
The podcast host and journalist, who also went by the nickname 'bowel babe' died on 28 June aged 40, withher family announcing the news in a heartbreaking statement on social media .
The mum of two and former teacher was diagnosed in 2016 aged 35. She captured the hearts of the nation with her frank, funny and fearless journey through her cancer treatment – raising£7 million for cancer charitiesand receiving a Damehood in her final months of life.
In her beautiful book Deborah writes movingly on about how hope ‘can help you sleep at night’, why we should live in the present ‘because tomorrow might not come,’ and the importance of humour and having ‘the courage to face your fears.’
In Deborah’s own words…
“At the end of your life, you might think you would have all these grand plans – like going travelling and gallivanting here and there. But it’s the simpler, more enduring things that blow you away.
Like being told that a rose is being named in my honour – the Dame Deborah James Rose. I actually cried when I found out about it, because it was such a beautiful gift. Roses are my favourite flowers, and I hope this one will brighten everyone’s smiles. This variety can now be grown for ever, and maybe one day Eloise might even choose to have it in her wedding bouquet – a wonderful yet bittersweet thought.
You have to savour life and enjoy the little things. Be grateful that you can simply move around. Take pleasure in being with your family. Enjoy your body.
When all is said and done, these are what give me the most happiness. Nothing else matters beyond the simple things and the love of your family and friends.
When I was diagnosed, I looked at my husband and kids and thought, ‘I can’t die now.’ I felt unsatisfied and thought, ‘If I die now, there are too many things left hanging.’
I don’t feel like that any more. I’ve got to the end, and I regret that I won’t be able to watch my wonderful children grow up, of course, but that’s it. I don’t feel bitter; I feel proud. I don’t have any regrets about the people I’ve loved, or about unfinished business, or about the things I’ve done with my kids, or about the memories I’ve made.
Living your life so that you have no regrets isn’t easy, but I feel like that’s what I’ve achieved.
People have said that I am showing how it is possible to have a good death, but the reality is I’m petrified. Inside I am so scared. I hate that it all has to end and that I have to leave behind the people I love so much. There’s no amount of positivity that can overcome that.
All I can do is remind myself that my loved ones will be looked after once I’m gone, that they’ll be OK. They’re proud of me, and they love me, and they’ll remember me in lots of different ways. And they’ll always have a bit of my rebellious hope inside them.
When it comes down to it, that’s the most important message I can pass on to you. I have found lots of different ways to help me cope with my illness, from learning the lessons that failure has taught me to laughing and feeling gratitude for the blessings in my life, but the thing that has got me through the most is my rebellious hope.
And I know that if you, too, can keep a bit of hope, even when the dark times come, you will be able to overcome any challenge and live a life full of joy and contentment and happiness.”
Ebury, a division of Penguin Random House, will pay £3 from the sale of ‘How To Live When You Could Be Dead’ by Deborah James in the UK to Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research UK. Cancer Research UK is a charity registered in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247).
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