DEAR DEIDRE: HOW do you get over somebody who was never yours to begin with?
I have been dating my lover on and off for the past three years and am completely smitten with him.
But he’s just told me he wants to give his marriage one last chance.
I’m 28 and he’s 45. We met during circuit training when he tried to correct me on my form.
I put him in his place, which he clearly liked.
A week later, we were sitting in a rooftop bar in London, him wining and dining me.
It was so nice being on a date with someone a little more mature. We spoke about career goals and our bucket lists.
And so our affair started.
His wife is an air hostess and would be away for days at a time. When she was abroad, he’d come to stay with me at my flat.
We’d have sex constantly and in every room.
He’d treat me like a queen, always coming home with gifts and cooking me lavish dinners.
We took turns calling it off over the years. The first time came when I decided I didn’t like being his dirty little secret.
The second time, he was scared his wife was catching on. But we always ended up back together.
This time, however, I think we’re over for good.
He came round on Tuesday with a big bunch of flowers and a bag to take home all his stuff.
When I asked what was going on, he said: “I adore you. You know that.
“But I can’t keep doing this to my wife. I need to give our marriage a proper go.”
I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. Less than a week before, we’d been planning our first romantic holiday together to the Amalfi Coast.
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I haven’t left my flat since and have barely eaten in the past four days.
How do I get over losing the love of my life?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Losing someone you loved and saw a future with is never easy.
But it does sound like you knew, deep down, this man was never going to leave his wife for you.
In reality, men having affairs very rarely leave their wives.
No one can simply switch off their feelings. But with time, you will get over this.
My support packs Moving On and Mending A Broken Heart have some useful tips.
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Lean on your friends and family for support. Try to keep busy, making new, positive memories.
Counselling might also help you deal with this. Reach out to Relate (relate.org.uk) to find someone local.
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