I was 19, I had just come out of a long-term relationship and was looking to experiment sexually.
After countless swipes to both left and right on a dating app, ‘Congratulations! You have a new match!’ flashed on my phone.
He ticked all the boxes – he was attractive, liked animals and made it clear in his bio he wasn’t after anything serious. I am going to call him George.
George sent the first message in classic dating app style, ‘Would you like to borrow my tuner? You’re looking pretty sharp to me’. Although his opening cheesy line didn’t grip me, I was thrilled to have found someone suitable so soon.
As we got talking, we found that we had quite a bit in common — both of our main passions included reading and listening to electronic music. We warmed up to each other pretty fast over text and confirmed we would like to keep our relationship strictly physical.
We arranged our first date for the next day.
He didn’t drink alcohol so we didn’t start off in a bar. Instead, I did a few shots of tequila before heading to his flat.
I wasn’t nervous, surprisingly, when I asked if he had tried anal – to which he said no
When I got there, I was relieved that I found George attractive. He exuded sexuality and inevitably, one of the first topics we discussed in greater detail was our sexual history.
Both of us had come out of long-term relationships and felt that sexual boredom played a big part in our breakups.
Once we were comfortable with each other and the conversation followed a rhythm, I suggested we try anal sex. I wasn’t nervous, surprisingly, when I asked if he had tried anal – to which he said no. The confidence paid off as it turned out anal was something we both really wanted to try.
After reading a basic guide to anal sex on Women’s Health, we were exhilarated and ready to try it out. We quickly decided on a safe word, ‘Lego’, in case one of us felt uncomfortable or wanted to stop at any time.
It wasn’t long before Tame Impala was blasting through his speakers. The shots of tequila I did earlier kicked in with a bit of nausea, but we both lost ourselves to the hypnotic production of Yes I’m Changing.
After a bit of foreplay, the music moved with us into the shower, which is where we felt comfortable doing it for the first time. I turned the shower on and hot water trickled down both our bodies. I took a few deep breaths before we gave anal a go.
Even tequila couldn’t prepare me for the first time – it felt like an uncomfortable medical procedure. But I persevered and the steamy shower definitely helped get me through. George was also gentle and went at an appropriate speed, which helped with some of the sharp pain I felt to begin with.
But the sore part was soon over and I got to enjoy something I’ve been wanting to try for quite some time. However, just when I was beginning to understand Gwyneth Paltrow’s obsession with anal sex, the music stopped playing.
I turned around and George was looking down at himself and back at me in confusion and disgust.
Before I could ask what was wrong, he asked: ‘Do you know what pinworms are?’
Pinworms, also known as threadworms, are tiny worms that lay eggs around the anus area. It’s an uncomfortable infection I was very familiar with as a child. I was infected several times between the ages of five and nine. It’s easily passed on from one person to another, as the eggs can be inhaled from the air or deposited onto food, but medication is easily accessible.
It was clear to me by that point I was infected with pinworms
It was clear to me by that point I was infected with pinworms – although, I had none of the symptoms.
The most common symptom is an itchy anus, which becomes intense overnight. I was embarrassed to admit I knew what pinworms were in case it made me look even worse, so I lied and asked him to explain while I tried to clean myself up.
He pointed at the worms on his penis, it felt like I was in a science lesson at school, investigating through a microscope. There were several of them, extremely small in size and still wiggling. He explained that he had had it as a child. I was relieved with his familiarity, but I was too awkward to speak, so I just nodded.
By this point it was already quite late and he didn’t feel comfortable sending me home so he made me stay the night. We spent the rest of the night in silence staring at the ceiling.
He tried to lighten the mood up by showing me some of his poetry and the type of porn he enjoys watching. But I think I preferred the awkward silence.
The morning couldn’t have come quick enough. Without engaging in much conversation, we both got up and raced for the door. His destination was a pharmacy and mine was anywhere but his flat.
I didn’t look back as I left and I made sure to delete his number and all forms of contact. It’s safe to say that was the first and last time I tried anal.
So, How Did It Go?
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