DEAR DEIDRE: OVER the past few weeks, I’ve noticed suspicious scratches on my boyfriend’s chest and back.
He says he’s been scratching himself in his sleep because he has itchy skin, but I’m really beginning to think he might be having an affair.
We’ve been in a relationship for two years but don’t live together. I’m 34 and he’s 32.
I first noticed the scratches when he changed his top because he’d spilled sauce down it during dinner.
I lifted up his top playfully to help him, and he got all defensive when I said: ‘What’s that on your chest?’
He played dumb, saying he didn’t know how they’d got there.
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Then he “remembered” he’d had a bit of a rash, and thought it might be something to do with the fact he’s changed his washing powder.
But I’ve never seen him really scratch himself when we’re together.
More to the point, the marks look like they’ve been made by long, sharp fingernails, yet my partner bites his nails.
But it’s not just this that is making me suspicious.
He does seem unreasonably tired lately, like he’s not been getting much sleep on the nights we aren’t together.
He says he isn’t sleeping well because of work stress.
He also doesn’t seem to want sex as much as he used to.
The other night we were in bed together and I got up in the early hours to go to the toilet, and when I pulled back the duvet I noticed some fresh scratch marks — this time on his back.
Am I being paranoid? Should I tell my boyfriend to change his washing powder, or just tell him where to go?
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DEIDRE SAYS: There’s a lot of circumstantial evidence here, but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend is cheating on you.
It is possible there’s an innocent explanation for the scratches. And he may just be embarrassed by the way they appear.
The tiredness has many possible explanations, and wanting less sex is not unusual as a relationship develops.
However, this is clearly causing you a great deal of worry.
All this suggests that on some level you don’t trust him – and that is ringing alarm bells.
Although gut instincts are not always right, it is never a good idea to ignore them.
I’m afraid nobody else can tell you if he is having an affair.
You need to talk to him about your feelings and ask him to be totally honest with you.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you do this.
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