A MUM-OF-TWO spent up to five hours a day obsessively scrubbing and was convinced her kids were always dirty.
Angel Stagg was even too scared of using the bathroom – causing her to go days without washing and constantly in tears.
The 25-year-old gave birth to her first daughter Evelyn in February 2020, swiftly followed by her son Jackson in May 2021.
Angel, from Hassocks in West Sussex, told The Mirror: "I would look at my daughter and just think, 'I don't want to be a mum.' I despised the life I had at that point.
"This was just before the first lockdown, so I was on my own until after my son was born.
"I always had this feeling that I was dirty, that the kids were dirty, no matter how much I cleaned around the house. I would get incredibly anxious, and couldn't relax."
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The young mum admitted she struggled to bond with her daughter, and lockdown made the isolation even worse.
Soon, Angel's relationship with partner Conor was affected, "I was crying all the time. I just thought there was something wrong with me," she added.
When the couple fell pregnant with Jackson, the concerned mum-to-be dreaded the return of intrusive thoughts – and her worst fears soon became reality.
Angel explained: "It was like I had a voice in my head that would say tell me everything was dirty, especially the kids.
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"As soon as I woke up in the mornings it would hit me. Mornings were always the worst.
"I would avoid parts of the house and then do a really big clean. When I did clean, I would feel guilt for not spending enough time with the kids."
After a month of battling with the debilitating voice in her head, the brave mum confided in her boyfriend and sought professional help.
Following a visit to the GP in August 2021, Angel was diagnosed with postpartum depression and OCD.
She is treating her symptoms with anti-depressant medication, which she said eases things despite not solving the problem.
"It gives me the ability to get out of bed each morning and face the day," the 25-year-old added.
Her partner Conor said: "It's impossible to comprehend if it's not happening to you.
"It's hard to understand, you almost feel helpless.
"It's hard to see how she struggled to get help, it was such a long process to get the help she needed."
Angel is now pregnant with her third child, due in June 2023 and the young mum has already noticed some intrusive thoughts creeping in.
To combat her struggles, she in taking part in talking therapy through the NHS.
Postnatal depression
Signs that you or someone you know might be experiencing postnatal depression, according to the NHS.
- a persistent feeling of sadness and low mood
- lack of enjoyment and loss of interest in the wider world
- lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
- trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day
- finding it difficult to look after yourself and your baby
- withdrawing from contact with other people
- problems concentrating and making decisions
- frightening thoughts – for example, about hurting your baby
Myths about postnatal depression
- postnatal depression is less severe than other types of depression – in fact, it's as serious as other types of depression
- postnatal depression is entirely caused by hormonal changes – it's actually caused by many different factors
- postnatal depression will soon pass – unlike the "baby blues", postnatal depression can persist for months if left untreated and in a minority of cases it can become a long-term problem
- postnatal depression only affects women – research has actually found that up to 1 in 10 new fathers become depressed after having a baby
She wants to help other mums who deal with similar postpartum issues and raise awareness about maternal mental health.
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Her Instagram account @apparentlyangel, which she started in lockdown, documents her journey.
The content creator said: "I've received messages from women saying they're glad they've found my page and thanking me for speaking up about it."
The National Childbirth Trust’s advice on seeking help if you’re suffering
1. Seek professional help from your doctor
2. One of the most helpful things is to talk to other mums and dads – it can be very reassuring to find that all new parents share the same anxieties and frustrations. Meeting others in the same position will give you a chance to share skills and experiences, to realise you are not alone, and above all get some emotional and practical support. Call NCT to find out what’s happening in your area on 0300 330 0700
3. Share your feelings with people you trust. It's important to feel understood and supported. A sympathetic listener, who can hear about your feelings and worries without judging, can bring enormous relief. It could be a health visitor, a friend or a counsellor.
4. Give yourself time to adjust to motherhood and recover from giving birth.
5. Try and get help with the childcare and take some time for yourself, even an hour here and there can make a difference.
6. Take some exercise each day, like a walk with the buggy or swimming: exercise has a positive effect on mood and sense of wellbeing.
7. Maintain a healthy diet; eating badly or skipping meals can make you feel tired and irritable, so try to eat simple and nutritious meals.
8. You could try mindfulness, which is a way of paying more attention to the present moment – to your own thoughts and feelings, and to the world around you – which can improve your mental wellbeing
9. Accept help and support from your partner, family and friends. Try to share as many jobs around the house as possible, for instance. Allowing people to support you and your partner through this time will make things easier.
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