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Janet Barnes is the only neurotypical person in her family of seven. She lives in Logan, a working-class town on the outskirts of Brisbane. She left teaching to care for her blended family full-time and the bills are stacking up. But her story – which has been captured in the documentary film Because We Have Each Other – isn’t one about suffering.
“We don’t pity ourselves, we find ourselves very lucky,” Janet says while finishing the tangy lemon sherbet she’s been enjoying during our call. “We have our family and family is the most important thing it to me, it’s as important as taking a breath of air.
“I could have been anything in another lifetime. But in this lifetime I’m a parent and I do the best that I can.”
Janet Barnes in Because We Have Each Other.Credit: Jeremy Virag/supplied
The incredible love surrounding her family attracted the attention of award-winning Australian filmmaker Sari Braithwaite (Paper Trails), who in 2018 embarked on a mission to create Because We Have Each Other, a vérité film capturing five years’ worth of mundane, wonderful, and challenging moments shared by the Barnes/Sharrocks.
As is often the case with long-term projects, it diverged significantly from the original idea. An article about Janet’s eldest daughter, Rebecca – who has autism, synesthesia (she can taste colours, for example), OCD and an extremely rare neurotype called Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, meaning she can vividly recall an extraordinary amount from her past – originally piqued Braithwaite’s curiosity while waiting for a flight.
“Say she has a memory of falling over when she was four. She calls it an echo of the pain – she can really feel the pain as she relives the memory,” Janet explains.
Rebecca Sharrock in Because We Have Each Other.Credit: Charlie Hillhouse/supplied
Upon reading about this neurotype – which only about 60 to 80 people have been diagnosed with worldwide – Braithwaite thought Rebecca would be her next film’s muse. But when she met the family in person, she immediately realised how interwoven they were – each person has their own complex story, but those stories are inextricably connected. In a world that occasionally ostracises those that seem “different”, these individuals found belonging in a family that thrives off their differences.
“When there is something that is objectively difficult or kind of unavoidable, you can still find the joy in life,” Braithwaite says of what struck her about the Barnes/Sharrocks. “When all the grief of the world and all the joy of the world sits together – I think Janet’s family carries that so beautifully. They know pain, and they know what real struggle and devastation looks like, but they still manage to float through.”
Not one member of the family is similar, the only real binding force between them is their mutual love for each other. Both of Janet’s daughters were born to her first husband. Her youngest, Jessica, does stand-up comedy, is passionate about Old Hollywood and has depression and suicidal ideation as a result of PTSD.
Janet (right) and Sari (left) while filming Because We Have Each OtherCredit: Charlie Hillhouse
Janet’s husband Brent, or “Buddha”, is dyslexic and a motorcycle enthusiast who taught himself to read using motorcycle magazines after he was asked to leave high school. His oldest, Kylie, identifies as a person born with a disability. She often struggles to get along with Janet (her step-mum) and has chosen to live away from home. Buddha’s eldest son, Brendan, is autistic and loves his car. Like his sister, Buddha’s youngest Dylan also identifies as a person born with a disability. He only recently finished school and is still working out who he wants to be.
On the surface, one may expect a documentary about such a family to be a social-issues film. But neurodiversity takes a back seat in Because We Have Each Other – it’s not about how they function, but who they are.
“They’re owning their disability,” Janet says. “They’re saying, ‘this is who I am. I’m a person worthy of being in a movie. I’m a person worthy of standing here and saying, this is me. Accept me or don’t accept me, but I’m happy to be who I am’.”
Throughout the film, we watch Brendan complete his motorcycle spray-painting apprenticeship, we see Kylie adjust to her life away from home, we enjoy some of Jessica’s lighthearted comedy, we follow a chess game between Janet and Rebecca, and we see Dylan help wash the dogs. It highlights the normality and simple joys in their lives.
What stands out most, however, are Janet and Buddha – two entirely different people who fell deeply in love while dancing at an RSL – who seem present even during scenes they’re not in, offering their undying support.
“It’s not about me, it’s about us. It’s about the kids,” Janet says. “Children, they never asked to be here. So, there’s always that level of responsibility that we have to put them before ourselves.”
In making a film about family, the Barnes/Sharrocks and Braithwaite created life-long connections, welcoming each other into their respective families and expanding their own worldviews by seeing life through the lens of various neurotypes.
“So often when we tell stories of people who have had bad things happen to them, or are in some ways stuck, they’re made to look like they need to be emancipated or freed from their lives,” Braithwaite says. “But Buddha, Janet and their five adult kids have a sense of freedom and self-possession. They know exactly who they are, and they’re happy where they are.”
Screenings of Because We Have Each Other will be held in various locations around Melbourne and Sydney from May 25.
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