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It took a lot for her to “Walk Away.”
Kelly Clarkson waited so long to divorce her ex-husband, Brandon Blackstock, because she let her ego get in the way.
Clarkson admits in her new song “Mine” that she doesn’t “know why I stayed as long as I stayed,” but said on Tuesday’s episode of the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast that her decision to remain married was almost like a game.
“When you’re in it … I’m like I can do this,” the 41-year musician told host Glennon Doyle. “I can handle so much. I can control my actions. I can control my reactions.”
She continued, “I can do this and I can reach this person and I can get through. And it becomes a little bit of your ego that gets in the way.”
The “Stronger” singer, who has spoken about her own parents’ painful divorce in the past, added that she didn’t want her kids to experience what she went through as a child.
“If I’m being completely honest, we don’t want to do what we saw done,” she said.
But ultimately she had to be “selfish” because she couldn’t handle her “limiting” marriage to Blackstock, 46, any longer.
Clarkson explained, “You start never thinking about yourself and that’s honestly sometimes, to be selfish for me was very important because I’m never, I’m rarely selfish. It’s been beaten into me since childhood to have a servant’s heart. It’s very hard to take that and go, ‘I need this.’”
These days, the “American Idol” alum is much better at setting boundaries, which she said has made her a better parent.
“I can say that after [the divorce], I’m a far better mother. Because I think when you’re honest with yourself you’re able to be honest with others,” she explained.
Clarkson filed for divorce from Blackstock in June 2020 after nearly seven years of marriage.
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The pair — who share daughter River Rose, 9, and son Remington “Remy” Alexander, 7 — were caught in a bitter divorce battle for nearly two years until they reached a settlement in March 2022.
Despite the tumult of the split, Clarkson said her children are still hopeful that their parents will one day reunite.
“They are really adamant about keeping that dream alive that we might still be together one day,” she revealed, adding that she does not want to get married again in the future.
“It’s not that I’m against marriage,” she explained. “I think marriage is beautiful. I think it’s amazing.”
“I just don’t think that it is necessary for everyone.”
Clarkson said she doesn’t “have time for marriage,” as she likes to stay busy with work.
“I’m the best version of me when I’m productive. I’m the best mother when I’m productive. I’m just better.”
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