DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I wanted us to live together, my boyfriend and I never did. Now he wants to move into my flat, but it’s purely down to saving money.
We’ve been in a relationship for six years. I’m 32 and he’s 35.
A year after we got together, I suggested he move in, as my flat is bigger and nicer than his. He said no because I had lived there with my ex, and he felt uncomfortable about it.
I thought he would change his mind over time, and I offered to redecorate and change the furniture, but he still said he wouldn’t give up his flat.
My friends said my boyfriend was using my ex as an excuse because he was a commitment-phobe, and I was starting to wonder if they were right.
Last month, with inflation making everything so expensive, and our mortgage payments going up, he said: “Let’s live together. It makes financial sense.”
He expected me to be pleased and excited, but instead I was really upset.
In fact, as a result, I’ve totally gone off sex. I want to be with someone who wants me passionately, not someone who views me as a money-saving option.
He doesn’t understand what he has done wrong. I was happy before, but now I’m wondering if we have any future at all.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You were happy and wanted him to move in, so it would be silly to end the relationship because you are hurt about his reasons.
You both need to communicate better. Tell him why you’re upset and don’t want to be intimate.
Maybe it’s taken him this long to get over his discomfort about your ex, or his fear of commitment, and he’s just saying it’s about the money as a cover for any insecurity.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you to work on this together.
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