My fiancé has a problem with alcohol to the point he has soiled himself more than once – people say I should postpone the wedding but I love him so much
- A woman said she wants to postpone her wedding over her fiancé’s drinking
- She said he ‘defecated in his pants’ and ‘urinated all over the bathroom floor’
- Read More: Would-be brides reveal the reasons why they cancelled their weddings – from a groom wanting a stag do to falling in love with someone else
A woman has revealed she is considering postponing her wedding due to her fiancé’s problematic drinking.
Taking to parenting platform Mumsnet, the anonymous poster explained she is due to get married in six weeks. However, her husband-to be ‘has an issue with alcohol’.
In her post, she described how he has ‘defecated in his pants’ and on their bed, and once ‘urinated all over the bathroom floor’ after a wild night out.
Her post prompted an influx of comments from people sharing their advice – with many suggesting that she should call the wedding off, as his behaviour is unlikely to change.
The woman wrote: ‘My fiancé is wonderful and a great partner. However he has an issue with alcohol – when he goes out drinking he has no off button and this happens at least once a week.
A woman has revealed she is considering postponing her wedding due to her fiancé’s excessive drinking (stock image)
Taking to parenting platform Mumsnet, the anonymous woman explained she is due to get married in six weeks, however her husband-to be ‘has an issue with alcohol’
‘He doesn’t drink at home and he doesn’t drink daily but when he does he can either have 1 or 2 or 42 and nothing in between.
‘He won’t remember what happened on these weekly nights, on one occasion he wet the bed, tonight he went home to our old house, I was out looking for him At 1:30am, the new owners asked for his I.D and then walked him home.
‘He’s now defecated somehow in his pants, got it on the bed and the bedroom floor and urinated all over the bathroom floor. I feel like this has now gone too far. This is not the life I want. I adore him though and we’re getting married in 6 weeks.
‘I am going to go to my parents for some space to myself to care for myself rather than dealing with him. But when he wakes up I thought it might be a bit cold if I had already left so I’m waiting , obviously unable to sleep and on the couch to avoid the smell of the bedroom.
‘I am trying to think of what I should do – postpone the wedding or offer an ultimatum that he either gets help with his drinking/ stops drinking or were over? Any advice? It’s such a sad situation. I feel so sad.’
Taking to the comments section to share their thoughts, one poster suggested that the man’s behaviour will never change.
Many rushed to the comments to give the woman advice with some suggesting that she should call the wedding off, as this will probably be her life forever
They wrote: ‘Sorry, OP, this will probably be your life forever if you marry this man. Worse still if you have children with him and expose them to this behaviour. I would cancel the wedding, and get out while it’s still a relatively easy process.
‘I understand that you love him, the rest of the time, and it will be heartbreaking for you. But just think of tonight as a regular occurrence.’
Another said: ‘I’d be cancelling the wedding and I say that as someone who was a moderator on an alcohol addiction forum for several years.
‘You’re considering marrying an addict and that’s not something you want to do. The amount he is drinking – to blackout levels – is extremely dangerous and if he doesn’t stop he will be dead sooner rather than later and you don’t want to be there for that nor the lead-up to it. He’s not your problem to fix.’
While another wrote: ‘Do.Not.Marry.This.Man. I know it may feel the ‘easy thing to do’ as you’ve got everything booked/the dress/everyone’s made plans.
‘But if you do, you’ve lost the biggest incentive for him to realise he’s got a problem and seek help (i.e. marrying you) and you will most likely end up married to a long term alcoholic.
The original poster later updated concerned Mumsnet users, saying she had gone to stay with her parents, and was making plans to cancel the wedding
‘Personally, I would leave him a note saying that you are not marrying him until he has dealt with his binge alcoholism, that you will be there to support him if he does decide to seek help and start the process of recovery, but until then that you will be staying at your parents.’
While a fourth person said: ‘You’ve done the right thing. What do your parents say about the situation? Cut your losses, OP. If nothing else, you’re doing this because you love him.
‘You could well be saving his life and saving yourself from a lifetime of misery. You don’t deserve that. You’re not his keeper.’
The original poster later updated concerned Mumsnet users to reveal that she had gone to stay with her parents, and she was making plans to cancel the wedding.
She wrote: ‘I’m at my parents. I’ve sent him a message explaining I need time to myself to think and to try and sleep.
‘I don’t want to live my life like this and I’ve told him so many times but tonight is the worst he’s got. It’s also always the worry of how will every night out end, parties, birthdays, our wedding, random Thursday nights.
‘Just a constant stress which his friends mostly think is harmless and funny- they don’t have to deal with this side. I just feel a bit heartless as i do love him so much.’
In another message she wrote: ‘no kids. I will have to start looking at the cost to cancel / postpone the wedding. I’m so embarrassed to have to do that.’
Many took to the comments to share their own horror stories and to give the women a look at what the future might hold for her if she stays with her partner.
One person wrote: ‘Post read too soon – the ’embarrassment’ from cancelling a wedding is nothing compared to the embarrassment he’ll cause you further down the line.
‘My relative had to plead to the court to not seize her car which he was driving when he was caught drink driving for the 2nd time – THAT was embarrassing.
‘Having to explain to their child’s teacher that the child wasn’t themself due to their father’s drunken behaviour – THAT was embarrassing
‘Neighbours having to help him home due to his state – THAT was embarrassing
‘Reporting him missing to the police – THAT was embarrassing. I could go on, please get out of this f***ed up ‘relationship’, his only relationship is with alcohol.’
Many took to the comments to share their own horror stories and to give the women a look at what the future might hold for her if she stays with her partner
Another said: ‘I would be cancelling the wedding. My aunt married a man like this. It didn’t get better. 2 of my cousins were like your dp, it didn’t get better. It got less often but still 6-8 times a year.
‘Both their wives kicked them out once they had kids and realised the impact it wasn’t having on the family.
‘And I would leave to my parents right now. It’s not a big cold to leave a home covered in p*** and s***. It’s cold to get yourself in that state and expect someone else to sit in the smell or clean it themselves.’
While someone else said: ‘Leave, OP. I was in a similar situation 8 years ago. Woke up to a wet bed on several occasions.
‘Totally gross. He also had serious money problems even though he earned well and far more than me. I would have to sub him everything by the end of each month. After I got rid he admitted he also had a coke habit and it all made sense. LTB.’
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