DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner said he was on a work trip two months ago, but he had actually got married and been on honeymoon.
Our relationship had become a bit predictable, but we still had regular sex and nice days out with our two young sons.
I’m 32 and he’s 37. Our sons are four and two.
When he returned from his “work trip” he blamed me for his cheating, saying I had let myself go and didn’t pay him enough attention.
He then told me he’d “traded up” for a better model. It didn’t stop there.
He said that his wife, who is 27, is absolutely stunning and makes him feel special.
Apparently this woman was a barmaid he’d met on a golf trip and they had been seeing each other for six months.
He told me all this, then marched upstairs and packed his games console and his clothes and drove off out of my life.
The thing is, we always talked about getting married but when we had kids there always seemed something better to spend our money on.
Mutual friends have told me he has moved into a new-build home on the other side of our small town and his wife has plenty of family money.
My sons are really missing him and I don’t even know how I feel.
Sometimes when he comes to visit the boys I beg him to come home.
But other times I’m so angry with him, I refuse to let him in.
Now he is accusing me of stopping him from seeing his children.
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Surely he can’t just show up when he likes?
I’m a mess and need to start getting a grip for the kids’ sake.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry your partner ended your relationship in such a cruel way.
This man sounds selfish and immature, and quite frankly the way he has treated you is emotionally abusive.
It won’t feel like it now, but you really are better off without him.
He is behaving like he still lives in your home, by just turning up unannounced.
Tell him firmly that you would encourage a good relationship between him and your sons but he can only collect them with prior arrangement.
Start to put down your boundaries.
I’m sending you my support pack When Parents Fall Out, which you could pass to him to help explain why you need to co-operate for the future wellbeing of your children.
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Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. He put you down constantly, now you can start to build up your confidence.
I’d recommend seeing a counsellor to help you with this betrayal and am sending you my Counselling support pack.
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