What men truly like doing in bed! After women gave Tracey Cox their honest confessions, men reveal what raunchy acts really get them going (and the ones they secretly hate)

• Tracey Cox reveals men’s pet hates and top likes when it comes to sex
• READ MORE: How to solve the three most common rows all couples have 

Last week, I revealed the sex acts women like doing in bed…and those they only did to please their partner.

This week, the tables are turned.

As well as scouring all the latest research, I spoke to a broad range of men (aged 19 to 69), both in relationships and single, to find out their most intimate thoughts on what they enjoy – and don’t enjoy – about sex with women.

Once more, I chose a mix of views to reflect the broad range of opinion.

Enjoy – and learn!

Tracey Cox uncovers some truths and myths about what men secretly think about during sex with their partner (stock image)

HAVING INTERCOURSE 

Pet Hates: Worrying I won’t last long enough. Watching her look bored. Feeling like I should hurry up.

Top Likes: Doing what nature intended. The quickest way to orgasm. The masculine buzz of ‘depositing your seed’.

Most women assume all men would rather skip straight to intercourse every time they have sex and hate having foreplay. Turns out we’re wrong.

My research found while intercourse is definitely enjoyable – it’s the way most men orgasm during partner sex – it’s also a source of sexual anxiety. To be able to penetrate, you need an erection and the moment just before penetration often rates as the highest for performance anxiety.

It’s more a mix of heaven and hell than the end goal of sex that men seek at all costs.

STATS AND FACTS

• Only being able to last three minutes during intercourse is normal.

• A quarter of all men who seek help because of erectile dysfunction are under the age of 40.

• Almost 17 per cent of men over 50 use a drug to enhance their erection.

• Women aren’t the only ones who find intercourse painful. A Kinsey Institute study found seven per cent of men report pain from vaginal intercourse.

• Eighteen per cent of men spend up to 30 minutes on foreplay – but almost a third would like it to be even longer.

• Men prefer intercourse to last between 20 and 30 minutes while women find half that time acceptable.

READ MORE: Does porn REALLY ruin relationships? Men confess their viewing habits to Tracey Cox – and reveal what their partners think 

YOU SAID:

‘There are two types of intercourse. One where it’s all about the release and wanting desperately to have sex: the sort you have during casual sex. Then there’s intercourse where you’re connecting, taking your time and working towards mutual satisfaction. That’s done with someone you love. I enjoy both but each are entirely different.’

‘We don’t need a warm-up. I can be ready for sex in seconds – just watching her undress is enough foreplay for me. I know women got the bum deal because the clitoris isn’t on the inside but, for men, intercourse is by far the best way to stimulate a penis. It feels amazing and takes minutes to transport us to orgasm. Why wouldn’t it be our favourite part of sex?’

‘I enjoy receiving oral sex and her using her hand but there’s something about intercourse that’s so natural and effortless. You’re born knowing how to do it. I think I’m OK at sex but when I’m giving her oral sex, I spend most of the time worrying that I’m doing it right. It’s hard to get intercourse wrong: you put your penis inside and move it.’

‘I enjoy intercourse once I’m in a relationship but find it nerve racking at the start. What if I don’t get hard? What if I ejaculate too quickly? What will she think of me? Will she tell her mates? Women have so much power in sex, I’m not sure they realise that all it takes is one disapproving look and we’re crushed.’

USING VIBRATORS

Pet Hates: Big penis-shaped vibrators that make me feel insecure. Preferring it to me stimulating you. Boasting about how quickly you can climax using one (when you take ages with me).

Top Likes: Takes the pressure off. Helps her orgasm more often. Watching her use it on herself.

Is it outdated thinking that men are still threatened by women using their ever-faithful, ultra-efficient vibrators either with them or solo?

It’s certainly moving in that direction. Men’s reserves seem to be fading with the general consensus being that vibrators are moving from being perceived as competition to ‘friends’.

STATS AND FACTS

• A US study found 70 per cent of men have no problem with women using vibrators. But nearly four in 10 women said they thought the use of sex toys would upset their partner.

• Forty-five per cent of men admit to using a vibrator in bed to satisfy their partner. Of those, 94 per cent used one during foreplay and 82 per cent during intercourse.

• Studies show women who use vibrators with their partners are more adventurous, self-confident and experimental and can reach orgasm more easily (even without a vibrating toy).

• Over half of married women use vibrators but only a quarter of single women do.

• Thirty-one per cent of men who use vibrators do it because their partner’s asked them to.

• Research shows men who used vibrators with a partner in the past year rate higher on erectile function and sexual and orgasmic function than men who haven’t.

• Studies show using a vibrator can improve male sexual esteem because men feel better about sex when they aren’t the only one who has an orgasm.

YOU SAID:

‘Sex toys take the pressure off me. I know it’s something she craves and that it works to make her orgasm. I think of her vibrator as a team mate rather than competition or an insult.’

‘Men used to feel resentful about vibrators, but I don’t think it’s the case anymore. To be honest, I think women think men will be threatened more than men are. Maybe it’s the size thing. They’re so used to tiptoeing around us when it comes to penis size, maybe they feel embarrassed pulling out a huge vibrator from the bedside drawer.’

‘I don’t mind her using a vibrator if I’m not there to have sex with her, but I think it’s only courteous to let me use my hands and fingers to stimulate her if I’m there. It’s demeaning. What does it mean if your wife can be brought to orgasm more easily by a machine? How is that supposed to make men feel?’

‘I have only one friend who thinks vibrators are for people who don’t have a partner. A vibrator doesn’t replace a partner and men who are threatened by them are out of touch with what’s happening with women and sex today. A young guy who is intimidated by a vibrator would surely be laughed out of bed.’

GIVING HER ORAL SEX

Pet Hates: A vulva that doesn’t smell clean. Not being given instruction or feedback. Not being allowed to do it.

Top Likes: It’s a predictor: if she loves oral sex, she’s generally really into sex. The taste and smell of her. The quickest way for me to get aroused.

A common critique of our hook-up culture is that it favours men’s pleasure over women’s and studies tended to confirm that women are getting short-changed when it comes to oral sex. Gratifyingly, nearly all the men I spoke to couldn’t get enough of giving women oral sex.

STATS AND FACTS

• Most people give or receive oral sex five times each month.

• 52 per cent of men think oral sex is more intimate than penetrative sex.

• 93 per cent of men say giving oral sex is somewhat or very pleasurable compared to 83 per cent of women.

• Only seven per cent of men don’t enjoy giving women oral sex compared to 17 per cent of women.

• Women are more likely to say giving oral sex is pleasurable if they also received it from their partner.

• One Canadian college study found only 44 per cent of women reported receiving oral sex during their last sexual encounter compared to 63 per cent of men.

• Receiving oral sex means the odd are much higher that a woman will reach orgasm.

In a bid to find some honest answers, British sex expert Tracey Cox (pictured) looked at the latest research and spoke to a variety of men to find out which sex acts they enjoyed doing and those they didn’t

YOU SAID:

‘She absolutely has to be completely hair free – shaved both front and back – and fresh for me to go there.’

‘Men who don’t enjoy giving women oral sex are lazy, selfish and uneducated about sex. I can’t get enough of it! I love the salty, sour taste. I love the texture: it’s so incredibly soft. To be able to see, feel, smell and taste a woman as she orgasms is such a privilege. I can’t fathom why some men don’t like it. Maybe because they’ve never tried it with the right woman?’

‘I can’t imagine sex without giving my wife oral sex. After years together, knowing what she likes, this remains so good for both of us. Knowing that she has had an orgasm before we have intercourse really helps me relax into it. Without oral sex I would have a very unsatisfied partner.’

‘As a gay man, I’ve heard both sides on the subject. My impression is straight men are far more sexually stimulated by the act of performing oral sex on women than women are by performing it on men. Men go down on women to please themselves as much as her; women go down on men almost as an act of kindness to men.’

‘A lot of women are hesitant to let you do it. I think it’s because they don’t really know what their vagina looks like close up or what it tastes or smells like. They change their mind if they know you genuinely like doing it and love what’s in front of you.’

‘Maybe it says something about the women I’ve been with but a lot of them clearly hadn’t showered for days before I went there. Is it just me who’s had these awful experiences?

ANAL SEX 

Pet Hates: Does liking it mean I’m secretly gay? When it hurts her. Having to beg for it.

Top Likes: The novelty. It’s dirty (in a good way). Animalistic and makes me feel dominant.

Every woman I have ever interviewed about sex, has had a guy who’s begged her to have anal sex. Why do men love it so much? Does it really feel that much better than vaginal sex?

For lots of men, having anal is appealing because it’s taboo: they want to be able to say they’ve done it. It features so much in porn, it feels like it should be part of sex. And yes, it does feel completely different to vaginal sex because the anus isn’t as ‘soft’ in texture, it’s tighter and there’s more friction because the rectum doesn’t self-lubricate.

A woman agreeing to do it makes her sexier because it means she’s up for raw, primitive sex. She’s like him, he doesn’t have to pussy-foot around her.

STATS AND FACTS

• A study that focused on why women agree to try anal sex found equal numbers of women felt either pressured or wanted to try it.

• The majority of anal sex acts are initiated by men.

• Forty seven percent of women report the experience of anal sex to be emotionally and/or physically uncomfortable.

• One study in 2010 found of the 31 per cent of women who’d tried anal sex, 94 per cent had an orgasm.

• Some research suggests having anal sex means a much higher likelihood of orgasm for both men and women and orgasms that are more intense. But it remains unclear whether this is because people who practise anal sex tend to have the most varied sex lives.

• Women are much more likely than men to suffer complications from anal sex, with increased rates of faecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury.

• Greece is the country with the highest prevalence of anal sex with 55 per cent of people reported to have tried it.

• Most American men have anal sex around three times. US women have anal sex 1.6 times.

READ MORE: Is your orgasm a wave, an avalanche or a volcano? TRACEY COX reveals the three different types (and the techniques you need to experience them all!) 

YOU SAID:

‘Anal sex always seems like a lot of work and prep for something that won’t be as enjoyable as other things we could be doing. My attitude is very much take it or leave it. My wife’s not into it either, which is fine by me. Some guys seem desperate to try it and do but they can never explain why if you press them on it.’

‘Anal is something she should only do with someone she knows well and completely trusts. It makes her even more vulnerable as she must give up control. My wife was scared at first, but she dictated the pace and depth of penetration and enjoyed it.’

‘We do more anal play than anal intercourse. Anal play is more interesting because it’s the only sex act that feels similar for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, so interesting to do for that reason alone. It evens the playing field.’

‘I think it’s rubbish that all men are dying to have anal. Sure, when you’re a teenager it’s the ultimate but most of the men I know aren’t huge fans. After you’ve done it once, the appeal wears off quickly. I’ve never had a woman ask me to do it.’

WATCHING PORN WITH YOUR PARTNER

Pet Hates: Being told I’m a ‘pervert’ for suggesting it. Having to justify why I want to watch a certain type. Having to pretend I only do it with her.

Top Likes: A sure sign she’s confident and secure sexually. She’s up for trying new things. A relief not to be judged.

Contrary to public opinion, it’s men who sometimes feel uncomfortable watching porn with their partner, not women. Because it’s something they’ve spent their lives hiding from women, openly revealing what they’re interested in feels unnatural and too risky for share. So many women in their past have made watching porn a deal-breaker, finding a woman who would enjoy watching it with them seems highly unlikely – and suspicious.

For men who do take the risk, the payoffs are immense. They feel free of judgement and that they’ve hit the partner jackpot.

STATS AND FACTS

• At least half of European dating couples use porn together at least sometimes. Among married couples, half the men report watching porn with their wives.

• Many women in dating relationships are unaware of the amount of porn their partner really watches. Four per cent of women report that their partner uses porn weekly or more but 50 per cent (13 times as many) admit to weekly or more.

• Married, engaged, single and dating men are all three to four times more likely to report viewing pornography only while alone than women who watch porn.

• Women who watch porn are three to four times more likely to only watch porn with a partner, once they couple up.

• One in five partners believe porn use is only acceptable when it is viewed together.

YOU SAID:

‘I find it off-putting if a partner suggests we watch porn together. It’s an intensely private experience for me. I don’t want her seeing videos I’ve clicked on and the sort of things she’d like to watch will be too tame for me. I don’t want to have to justify why I watch something she thinks is weird and I don’t want to have to explain why I like watching women that look nothing like her. Women might enjoy porn but they don’t use it the way men do.’

‘We’re most likely to watch porn separately than together but it is something that can be very hot. It can be a real insight into what your partner is thinking when at their most aroused. You need to be comfortable in your own skin though. If you take it too seriously and start to panic that she wants a very well-endowed guy who goes and goes, then it’s not going to be a relaxed, enjoyable experience.’

‘We use it to get excited and to fantasise and like watching people play. We also recreate and act out what we’ve seen. Porn offers so many ideas on positions, stimulation, activities – it’s incredibly useful. Yes, it’s over acted and overdone but not everyone has massive breasts and penises and perfect genitals.

Visit traceycox.com for Tracey’s blog, podcast, product ranges and books. 

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