First published in The Age on March 30, 1983
Spike’s going Ocker
Spike Milligan, author, actor, humourist and enthusiastic ambassador for Woy Woy, says he will become an Australian this year.
Laying back on his bed at the Windsor Hotel Spike Milligan enjoys the room service.Credit:Ray Kennedy
The long-time Goon was in Melbourne yesterday to prepare for a new series of concerts and to help promote his latest children’s book, a collection of splendidly silly poetry called ‘Unspun Socks from a Chicken’s Laundry’.
Mr Milligan, who was born in Ahmednagar, India, and travels on an Irish passport (“it explodes once an hour on the hour”), said family ties kept him living in London.
“I’m tempted to stay here for ever, man,” he said. “Trouble is the children all have their boyfriends, wives and all that jazz over there. I love them so much. I desperately, desperately love them. I would rather have them than legs. Mind you, I would like a family with legs as well…
“But my heart really is here. I’m becoming a naturalised Australian this year.
“Naturalised? It sounds like I’m going to have a kidney transplant, doesn’t it? Yes, Bob Hawke’s going to put me on a machine and make me a naturalised Australian: It’s going to need blood group O and a Fosters mixture.”
Asked why he now wanted to become an Australian, Mr Milligan said his mother and brother were Australians and he no longer wanted to be the odd one out. But he still wondered whether it wasn’t possible to get everyone to change their nationality to his.
“Primarily, though, I would like to have a choice of places to go when they start to drop the bomb,” he said.
“I think this will be the nicest place to end up in, and (b) it’s not overcrowded at the moment; (c) the people are very egalitarian; and (d) the wines are among the world’s best. And that’s good enough for me.”
“Let’s put it this way,” he said, “nobody has ever stopped a war. They’ve put them off but never stopped them. Never mind what the escalation of the arms race was. The invention of gunpowder must have been pretty horrifying, but it didn’t stop any-one being demoniacal.
“It’s a case of when and nobody is going to stop it. There seems to be a sort of conveyor belt of life, and nobody seems to have the controls to stop it.”
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