A NURSE accused of murdering seven babies wrote chilling notes where she complained "I can't do this anymore", a court heard.
The handful of scribbled diary entries and Post-Its were discovered as police searched her three-bedroom home in Chester on July 3, 2018.
Jurors were told some were declarations of love for a doctor colleague, who cannot be identified, that she repeatedly confided in as the death toll rose.
There were also other notes that bore the messages "Kill me" and "Help me" along with the names of some the babies she allegedly murdered.
Manchester Crown Court heard on one yellow Post-It, Letby scrawled: "I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this.
"No one will ever understand or appreciate what's like."
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In another note released by police, Letby repeatedly wrote "Please help me…help me".
She also wrote "I loved you", adding: "I wanted you to stand by me but you didn't."
There was also a Post-it note, which was previously shown to jurors, that included the words: "I am evil I did this".
The note added: "I don't deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I'm not good enough to care for them.
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"I am a horrible person".
Jurors were told the notes were found in a suitcase and two handbags in Letby's bedroom.
She wept yesterday as photos of her room were shown to the court – including an image of her bed and teddy.
The walls held two framed pictures that contained the slogans 'Shine Like A Diamond' and 'Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go'.
Letby allegedly embarked on a year-long killing spree while working on the neonatal ward at the Countess of Chester Hospital.
The court heard previously she was a "constant malevolent presence" on the neonatal ward.
Letby is accused of murdering seven babies and attempting to kill ten others between June 2015 and June 2016.
It's claimed some of the newborns were repeatedly targeted by the nurse – including one baby Letby is alleged to have killed after three previous failed attempts.
Consultants at the hospital grew suspicious of the "significant rise" in the number of babies dying or suffering "catastrophic" collapses.
Letby denies all 22 charges, which are said to have taken place between June 2015 and June 2016.
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A court order prohibits identifying the surviving and deceased children and prohibits identifying parents or witnesses connected with the babies.
The trial continues.
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