My tiny suburb is 7km from the CBD – but nobody seems to know where it is

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Question: You’re walking down an almost deserted street, on one side you can see rabbits frolicking in a huge empty block, on the other the city’s oldest continually operating industrial estate.

Ahead of you is Melbourne’s jagged skyline, framed beneath the curves of the country’s fifth-longest bridge. Everyone in the city knows that bridge, it even featured in a classic Australian movie, despite the fact the movie was set in the 1960s and the bridge didn’t open till 1978. Where in Melbourne are you?

If you answered Spotswood, sandwiched between the much better-known Newport and Yarraville, you’d be right. You’d also be in the minority, because I have lived in Spotswood most of my life and while the suburb has changed enormously in that time, one thing never does – nobody seems to know where the hell it is.

Spotswood is just seven kilometres from the city, but no one knows where it is.Credit: Tania Cammarano

This seems incredible because this small inner-western suburb just seven kilometres from the city punches way above its weight. Spotty is home to a major museum, two major foodie hangouts and a major tragedy.

The museum is Scienceworks. I would recommend it to anyone because you can try your luck at outrunning Cathy Freeman there. Just a tip: you can’t beat Cathy Freeman and don’t be like the man who thought he could. It will only end in a broken back and a lawsuit.

Our foodie destinations include the Slow Food Market, which we poached from Abbotsford, and Grazeland, not just a half clever pun on Elvis’ home but a maze of shipping containers selling everything from “Melbourne’s famous flying noodles” to “the original frozen cheesecake on a stick”.

You can sit in the shadow of the West Gate Bridge and fly those noodles into your belly as you’re gently soothed by the barely audible hum from the historic glass factory over the road. At the same time, you can marvel at the possibility represented by Melbourne’s skyline, which bears a strong resemblance to Manhattan’s, but only if you squint the right way.

Speaking of the West Gate, it looms large in the lives of all Spotswoodians. That terrible day in 1970 when a 112-metre span of the unfinished bridge fell, killing 35 people, is commemorated under one of its pylons.

Riding past the memorial as kids, there always seemed to be fresh flowers there, reminding us that this was recent history. The old timers of Spotty will tell you October 15 is seared into their memories, along with the screeching of sirens.

While the tragedy is never forgotten, the bridge not only dominates our line of vision, it also dominates how quickly we can leave Spotswood. The West Gate Tunnel has created an endless round of roadworks. On the positive, we no longer need to listen to traffic reports – just look out your window and if your normally quiet street is full of idling cars, trying to get in or out, up or down, then you’ll know.

Traffic is boring, but movie-making is not, and humble Spotty is something of an Australian movie mecca. Forget Dockywood – the execrable term recently coined by the premier’s social media team to describe Docklands’ movie studio – Spottywood is where, historically, it’s been at.

Spotswood is the 1991 movie which not only starred the great Sir Anthony Hopkins, the even greater Russell Crowe and the iconic Ben Mendelsohn, but was the debut film of underrated superstar Toni Collette. This means Hannibal Lecter, Rusty, Muriel and the lovely Ben all sauntered down these streets. There should be a Walk of Fame on Hudsons Road to commemorate this, but no, there’s nothing. Add to this that Oscar-winning short Harvie Krumpet and bits of Mad Max have Spotswood connections, and it’s even more perplexing that people don’t know where it is.

Some people think they know. These people refuse to cross the bridge, declaring Spotswood’s “too far”, only to later look at a public transport map of Melbourne and proclaim “oh, Spotswood’s actually really close to the city!”

Anthony Hopkins (right) and Ben Mendelsohn in the 1991 film Spotswood.

Such people are annoying but not as annoying as the woman who told me she had to move because Spotswood had “no community spirit”. Go tell that to the Spotty footy and netball club or the person who runs the #Spotswood Facebook page or the small but mighty St Margaret Mary’s primary school. Anyway, it transpired that said woman had lived in South Kingsville, so her opinion is void anyway.

Spotswood deserves much more recognition. It now has its own brewery, a wine bar, a top-notch bakery (hooray for Candied Bakery’s Nutella croissants!) and a pub that once, but no longer, featured naked women. I can (and do) buy dresses from Mabel and Woods, I get my nails done at Angel and if I ever bothered to get my eyes tested I would go to the place near the station, which could prove very helpful before they start getting rid of the level crossing and plunge us into another circle of roadworks hell.

One more thing people don’t know about Spotswood is that it once played a key role in Melbourne’s centralised sewerage system. I don’t really want to talk shit about Spotswood, but if that’s what it takes to get people to understand where it is, I guess I can …

Tania Cammarano is a writer, editor and historian who is one of the 2800 or so people lucky enough to call Spotswood home.

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