Written by Amy Beecham
As more of us sacrifice going out and are forced to embrace staying in, Stylist investigates how the rising cost of living is impacting our social lives.
When we look back on our youth or our time at university, we tend to romanticise living on a tight budget. We ate Pot Noodles on the floors of dingy halls, drank the cheapest alcohol we could get our hands on and dutifully asked “Do you do student discount?” at every single place we shopped, declaring ourselves “broke” without contemplating what that really means.
Because the expectation was that when we graduated, got jobs and started earning a full-time wage, things would be different. We expected that our salaries (though not as generous as the generations before us) would at least cover a weekly wine night, plus the odd takeaway and Asos splurge. We dreamed of the financial freedom it would grant us: the girly dinners, late-night cocktails or trips abroad to reward us for the hard work of adulthood.
And then the pandemic hit. Lockdown forced us to retreat into our flat-shares and onto Zoom. We drank cans of pre-mixed gin and tonic two metres from one another in the park and dreamed of the days when we could be back in the wild past the 10pm curfew.
Then suddenly, during the glorious summer of 2021, we were again – and we spent every penny we physically could making up for lost time.
But fast-forward to 2022 and many of us are once again finding ourselves in a lockdown of another kind: financial. As high inflation bites, our everyday lives have become harder and a lot more expensive, with little government support to help us cope.
Last week, research by Starling bank found that one in five under-35s are “downsizing” their lifestyles because of the cost of living crisis. It also found that young adults are around twice as likely as over-55s to say they are using credit cards to help get them cope and that they feel stressed about budgeting, with women in particular reporting that money worries are causing them sleepless nights.
In a crisis as widespread as the one we’re currently experiencing, everyone’s reality is different. Stylist spoke to three women who are downsizing their social lives about how it’s impacting their mental health.
“Everything is more expensive – I just can’t keep living like I used to”
For Emma, 36, the rising cost of living is impacting every part of her life: from socialising to her work capacity and dating.
“Everything is more expensive now, which means fewer dinners and cocktails out and more get-togethers at home,” she tells Stylist. Emma has also found that rising costs have impacted her career prospects. “I’ve found myself doing less networking and pro-bono charity work.
“It isn’t just household bills, it’s everything: groceries, clothes, music, travel, entertainment, internet. It doesn’t stop going up and young people don’t stand a chance from what I can see. I personally can just about survive and once things are better hopefully I can thrive again… but those just starting out? They don’t have much of a chance unless they have family support.”
Because most people she knows are in the same boat, Emma says that she hasn’t experienced any backlash from cancelling plans or suggesting a cheaper alternative, although she does still get hit with waves of FOMO. “I’m currently in a situation where I’m on a freelance solo wage, so I have to be super-aware of my earning pipeline and ensure future security too. So my FOMO is less ‘I wish I was out doing that’ and more ‘I wish I had dual income and someone on hand to help keep the household running.’”
The prospect of a ‘financial lockdown’ – where we’re allowed to go out but simply can’t afford to – is a reality for Emma right now.
“We’re already in one,” she shares. “I know so many friends who are moving out of London to save on rent and changing careers in the hope of earning more. I graduated into a recession, and here I am on my second (or third?) in my lifetime. Everyone, even my middle-class friends, are seriously worried about money. It’s heartbreaking, and it’s only going to get worse.”
“I often feel lonely and cut off from friends”
“Budgets for socialising and shopping have been tight for me for a while, but now that the cost of living has risen so sharply, as a family we have been forced to be even more careful with our expenditure every month,” says 35-year-old Lucy, a mum-of-one currently pregnant with her second child.
“I have adapted my social life by being pretty strict about what I say yes to. Our summer was full of weddings so I had to turn down a lot of lunch/dinner and drinks invites to prioritise being able to afford to attend our friends’ weddings, none of which were local to us in London,” she explains.
But despite people being fairly understanding, Lucy shares that she goes through periods of feeling lonely and cut off from friends.
“Summer was particularly hard as it felt like everyone had a holiday except me. I had to stop scrolling on Instagram as it was making me feel left out and tired to see other people on holiday or at festivals having a good time,” she says. “When I don’t have the odd coffee or evening out, I start to feel quite down and isolated.”
As a compromise, Lucy says that instead of lunches or dinners she’s taken to meeting friends for coffee at nearby parks or inviting people over for tea. “I try to grab a coffee with someone, usually at the park so it’s local and I don’t have to spend money on travel, or invite people over to mine for a cup of tea and a pastry.
“The prospect of being in a financial lockdown really doesn’t feel great, especially with Christmas approaching. I have already had conversations with my family about cutting back on gift giving this year too,” she adds.
“It’s actually helping me escape social situations I didn’t want to be in”
But not everyone is viewing a reduced social calendar as a negative thing. For Dannie, 28, who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), the return of in-person events following the pandemic had been stoking her anxiety.
“With the current financial climate, I have resumed cutting down on my socialising costs and have actually found it to positively impact my mental health,” she explains. “It allows me to escape or avoid many social situations I didn’t want to be in to begin with and I find colleagues and friends are more understanding.”
Instead, Dannie says she has adapted her social life for the rising cost of living by taking advantage of the opportunity to stay home, to say no more, and to learn to be content with what she has.
“‘No spend’ months used to be the trendy thing to do; now they’re the practical thing to do,” she shares. “I understand why some people are disappointed by having to cut back on going out but for me, it relieves a lot of pressure and allows me to enjoy my solo time in a way that people can better understand.”
Speak to a Financial Conduct Authority registered financial adviser before taking financial advice, and think carefully before making any decision.
If you’re concerned about debt, please get in touch with Step Change. If you’re worried about your mental health, you can contact Mind or Samaritans.
Images: Getty
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